CFIC Days 6 & 7: High achiever

I have a problem. I’m what you would call a “high achiever”. Sounds good right? Well, it can be. I always want to improve and learn. But sometimes it turns into the fact that I want to be the best. It’s a behavior that I’m changing to not really focusing on “winning”. It can sometimes be a good quality to possess, but it can get me in trouble. Especially with myself. Sometimes I forget to be the student. I forget that I’m doing this course because I want to learn, not because I already know everything. So high achiever is not always something positive. It is, if I focus on the right thing. So naturally, it can cause a lot of frustration and a chaotic internal dialogue. So I’ll be honest with you. Today was not a good day. There was a lot of internal dialogue, a lot of self-doubt and emotion. I think it has something to do with just being exhausted after seven days and missing my family back home. I’m an emotional guy, it is what it is. I should have just tried to take in the information today without putting any emotion or value into it. Everything has been challenging and forcing us instructors to look at our system from other perspectives. It’s been a mix of “aha”, “oh wow” and “I don’t know shit”. But mostly it’s been one hell of a ride. Mainly I need to remind myself to enjoy the ride and not always analyze everything to shreds. Especially my own performance. Hell. If I knew everything, I would be leading these courses – not taking them. I’m too hard on myself, as I’m sure a lot of you are as well. It’s a problem that needs to be dealt with. Stay strong.